Dear Chick At The Bar

ugly long hairI am sure that your hair stylist told you that strategic tossing of your long hair was sexy and would make the guys who drive Porsches hot for you. Unfortunately the advice was sub-optimal, because I do not drive a Porsche, I do not find you attractive, and after the fifth time your hair brushed across my shoulder and neck I began to suspect that you carried fleas and head lice.

And…your little tease of getting up with your overlarge pocketbook (it does not belong on the bar) and walking out was cruel. I was thrilled to think that you were leaving! Alas, you left to do a line, or have a smoke, or floss your teeth with your locks, or whatever….and, unfortunately, returned to toss your hair against me a few more times.

Oh…the stories you loudly proclaimed about your ex boyfriend? They were boring. You aren’t that good looking. And telling him to “pack all of your things” might have been exactly what he was hoping for!

10 comments to “Dear Chick At The Bar”
  1. Maybe she was the biker dame that Biden forced himself on in front of the cameras.

    In that case, understandable.

  2. So the long piece of hair not included in the braid is her leash? And a full back tattoo: a biker chick wannabe?

  3. Hogging! That’s what we called being the first guy to get laid that night. The rest of us would have to buy him drinks all night. She would have been a great mark. Ugly, desperate and most likely under the influence.

  4. It is sad when a woman of a certain age does not realize that she has arrived…at a certain age. It is important to know where you are in the aging progression, which goes something like this: a) I’m hot!; b) I’m still hot!; c) I’m still sorta hot, as long as I rely on Spanx; d) Is this outfit too “young” for me?; e) Do I look like I’m trying to hard?; f) I’m trying to hard; g) officially no longer dressing for attention, but rather dressing not to be noticed; h) no longer dressing not to be noticed, but rather dressing in whatever feels comfortable when using my walker; i) no longer dressing, period — just gonna sit in my Depends and a nightgown and watch “Wheel of Fortune.”

  5. Laughing so hard… this is exactly right. Right now I think I’m somewhere between Spanx and “is this too young for me?”

    Although sometimes I do kind of look like a homeless person in a tank top and cut-offs…no long ratty hair or tats, though.

  6. Got a comment about the bag on the bar: why do people do that? And why do they put their bags on a seat in a public area, when the floor will do just fine? The bag doesn’t need a place to sit, after all; but maybe I do!

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