Caveat (Donor) Emptor

CNN ran a story last night about scam PACs siphoning money off people. This isn’t exactly new with Politico reporting more of less the same thing over a year ago. And this is all aside from the normal SuperPACs that just burn through money to pay fancy consultants with little actual results. Politics is the opposite of sports in many regards. In sports, winning teams often make the most money. In politics, failure is the best fundraising opportunity.

Recognizing that I’m totally missing out on an opportunity to rake in some easy money you all need a PAC you can trust, Cut.Jib.News is proud to introduce the “The Conservative Academic PAC.”

The goal of the “Conservative Academic PAC” is twofold:

  1. Train the next generation of conservatives
  2. Seek out current conservatives who we believe will be are in need of funding and helping supply that. Namely: me We already have several people in mind.

I’ve already enrolled one person in our training course. She’s been at it for over 16 months now, and may I say her progress has been stunning. Currently we’re working on words public speaking and cooperative play direct person-to-person engagement.

In the immediate term we’ll be using the money to make improvements to our home offices, including a new big screen TV digital presentation set up as well as furnishing our living room building a new small group meeting space. Longer term goals include:

  • traveling the country on vacation to spread the conservative message to all 50 states, especially places where the message is often drowned out. [Ask legal team: Is this vague enough to allow me to use the money to go to ComiCon in San Diego?]
  • Possibly adding another member to our training program.
  • Paying me our current volunteer instructor.

Because here at CJN we know that the best scam is one with a steady rake a steady donor base will allow us to grow our program faster we’ve set up a Patreon account for contributing monthly. I look forward to blowing you money recognizing our joint vision of a conservative government.

(Please Note: Media Inquiries may be directed to “Noah Bodie 212-555-3452”)

Update:

Update II: Effective immediately we’ll be undergoing a name change:

One comment on “Caveat (Donor) Emptor
  1. Pingback: Cut. Jib. Newsletter. | Crowdfunding A Hillary Clinton Press Conference

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *